I’ve worn acid wash jeans exactly twice in my life, once when I arrived at Kingsley Pines summer camp in Maine, and the other to a Madonna concert in Toronto in 2003. It’s not a good look, even in the hands of my favourite contemporary designers. I lost so much weight at camp –– a combination of home-sickness and non-stop outdoorsiness –– that my jeans practically fell down when my Mum came to collect me three weeks later. I didn’t own another pair until 15-years on, when my friend, Antonella and I rifled through racks of jeans at a local Value Village looking for the perfect pair to channel Madonna in. Our black suede pumps, white lace gloves and rhinestoned chandeliers completed the look, and off we went to true blue the night away. Acid wash jeans date back to 1960s California surf culture, when ocean sprayed surfers got fed up of fading their jeans in the sun and resorted to chlorine bleach instead. Then came the gaudy 80s, and between the neon and the shoulder pads and the animal print, acid wash jeans with a paper bag waist fit right in. They have no place in 2022 unless bleach falls on your favourite jeans while you’re doing the laundry.