i miss u

July 26, 2019

Tu mi manques, means literally, “you are missing from me.” As a child, I spent long chunks of time away from my Mum. And my Dad. As a teenager, I moved away to Italy, and then university and spent years travelling between London and Toronto to be with Jason. And for the last twenty years, I’ve lived with Jason and our family on the other side of the ocean from my parents and siblings and oldest friends. I’ve spent most of my life missing someone. Sometimes, that feeling has manifested as a giant void, or a longing, saudade, as the Portuguese call it. Other times, it’s physical pain, like I’ve been turned inside out. But most of the time, it’s there, like the scar on my chin, and I’m barely aware of it. The people I love are so rooted within me, that it doesn’t matter how far away they are. I feel them when I need to. And when I don’t — sometimes we just can’t access that part of ourselves — I trust that I soon will. This is what I explained to Iole just before she left us today for camp. We are the sum of our parts, and our family (and by family, my definition is broad) will inform our choices, support us, and guide us daily regardless of where in the world we all are.

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